My Boyfriend is my Number 1 fan

No one can doubt my boyfriend's persistence to pursue my dream.

Do you know how many times Lawrence bugs me to write? He bugs me constantly. He believes that I am a great writer. This is even when he read a silly little poem I made when i was in highschool.

Ever since I resigned from my job at the bank, all he would tell me is to write. And everytime that I am in the process of writing, he would rejoice. When he asks me what I will do for the day and learns that I will try to write, his replies are more than ecstatic.

News is, I have been stalling.

All my life, I have been stalling. The reason I give to most, regarding me not pursuing writing, is that 'I am afraid to fail'. And when I broke free from my corporate life, I said I will start pursuing this dream. It's been months and no writing has been done.

Now, I don't know why I am stalling. It's finally here. I have the time. I have the ideas. I have the new notebooks, pens and photos. I tried writing. Visiting some of my blogs, reading on current writing trends, sucking all information that could be useful. But when I try to start writing, I end up staring at the blank space in my blog editor. In the end, I get tired and start tweaking with my blog settings and then calling the day productive.

The thing is, I have decided to face the fear of failure. Somehow I now know I can still live and earn money even if I fail as a writer. I've come to terms with that (I'm not really sure about this statement, but hey, it feels right). So why am I stalling?

It dawned on me that I was afraid of failing Lawrence.

I'm afraid that whatever crap I spew out of my mind would be exactly what it is, crap. And I'm afraid that his belief in me would be all for nothing.

This is another fear I have to conquer.

Well, here goes.

How is your employer?

Last month, I resigned from my work. It's been a looooong process. I have been trying to move on from my company since last year. However, some changes and deals had to take place before I could finally let the company go.

What's sad is that it seems that I'm not leaving in good terms. I recently had the flu and could not go to work. I got texts from my manager that I need to extend my tender for resignation. Instead of leaving at the end of the month, I have to talk to my manager that I may not be eligible to take my terminal leave.

This is what saddens me. I've been with the company for more than a year. They have seen my dedication and they have all seen my productivity and excellence. I have spent more time at the office than with my family. I have sacrificed a lot for a position that they couldn't officially give me.

After all this, I need to talk to my managers tomorrow about tendering my work. It seems as if I couldn't even use my sick leaves to take care of myself. It's not like I'm just lounging around. I was in bed hacking and coughing. I was nauseated, feverish and couldn't even lift myself.

I got a text from my manager that I could be extending my stay with the company. My problem is my last day was supposed to be Friday and come Monday morning, I'd be starting with my new company. Suffice to say it, I cannot extend my stay with the company. Now I have to fight them. It's sad since I was starting to think they really regarded me as an esteemed colleague.