Rollercoaster

I have been moody since early morning today. Before having breakfast with my HK teammates, I was a little sad. Then I was happy when we had breakfast. When we went to work I was okay until the Celtics lost to the Lakers. I forgot the other reason for my rowdy behavior.

I was a little off today. When night came (with a little date with Lawrence), I thought it would change. However, this bitch was ogling at Lawrence the whole time we were having a meal. (Side note: To the bitch, back off--he's mine! and I mean it.) Then I was bored then I was jumpy, sleepy, horny and tired.

The best thing is that for now, I just feel in love. Lawrence has gone home now. He's probably on a bus trying his best not to fall asleep (because he knows that I hate it when he does that). And me, I'm in my bed still feeling his last kiss on my lips.

Is there a term for when you have so much love for the person it scares, excites and confuses you all at the same time?

I'm scared because I've never loved a person like this--not even my family. I'm excited because I know this feeling is just the beginning and it just keeps getting better and better as evident in the last five years of our relationship. It confuses me because I don't really know how to handle this--I might get pushy or clingy or unlovable in the end.

There's no point to this entry at all. I just have to write this because I do not want to lose this memory (this feeling? maybe). Maybe one day I'll read this entry and know the answer to my own question. For now, I'm enjoying the end of this rollercoaster ride.