Today, I felt blessed.
People always say that happiness is a choice. I have been denying this for the longest time ever since I met depression in Grade six. For the longest time, I always denied that I am blessed. When people see blessings, I see flaws. When people look for happy endings, I crave for miserable ones.
Depression, sadness, morbidity and death has been my comfort zone for a long time. Evident in my writing pieces, I can write gruesome deaths and much-more ghastly heart breaks. My family and friends can attest to the amount of negativity my mouth spews per day--whether it be a form of a complain, a joke or a story.
I have never been good at accepting blessings. I'm too afraid to recognize it because I know one way or another it will escape me. So I stick to my bad endings and my negativity; because I know these are constant and I will never be disappointed.
Today was different. Today, I was out with my family and Lawrence celebrating my dad's birthday and my parents' wedding anniversary. Today, I felt happiness. And even though there are some disappointments (e.i., no family spa treatments, Law went home early, etc.) I still felt happy.
Usually I battle happiness with negative thoughts and sudden bursts of temper--but today, I didn't. I simply enjoyed the moment and felt contented.
Today I write (which I don't usually do much these days) because I want to capture this moment--this feeling. Hopefully when time comes that depression comes knocking in my door again, I would only have to read this and ignite one of the fondest memories I've ever had (in the longest time).
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