Paulo Coelho said in the Alchemist that "when you want something, the universe conspires for you to have it." It might take some time before you get it; but if you really keep it in your heart, whatever the obstacles that come your way may be, you will have it. This is something that I would like to believe.
When I was a young girl, I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to be a maid, a singer, an astronaut, a scientist, a lawyer and a writer. As I grew up I gave up on my dream becoming a maid, astronaut and scientist. I felt that those are the dreams that I really can't fulfill. My love for thpse professions are merely driven by curiosity, temptation and ignorance. By the time I was in Grade 5, I have set my sights on being one of the three remaining dream professions.
Shattered
The summer of my elementary graduation, my Dad encouraged us to take up some summer classes. Immediately I declared tgat I would be taking up voice lessons. So that summer I was enrolled in one of the prestigious, if not then the most popular voice and dance centers in Manila.
I never missed a class that summer. You see, I love to sing. Ever since I can remember, I sing for hours and hours. Our old car before didn't have any radio; so whenever we drive somewhere, I sing non-stop to entertain my family. I sing at home, in the bath, on family reunions, in school... basically everywhere. My Mom used to tease me that I was there long-playing tape.
But I guess that wasn't meant to be. After those voice lessons, I never sang wholeheartedly again. I stopped singing in reunions, even while in the shower. I don't know if it was the failed 'you-must-imitate-other-succesful-singers-before-forging-your-own-style' method that the center training that made me stop or just puberty taking hold of my voice. Now, I only try to sing when I'm completely comfortable. But even in Karaokes, I try my best not to sing. If I do, I goof around with the song or I just sing along with somebody with a good voice.
Faded
By that time I was also working for my Dad as his secretary. He was the one who told me that I hould be a lawyer. One time, I argued that I should be paid my month's salary because I was able to do the work albeit it was at the last minute. I simply argued that he didn't say that we were going to be paid by the hour or by the day. So if there are days we don't do our work, there shouldn't be any deductions just as long as come deadline, we present our finished work.
Another incident would be whenever I complain about him not giving me my allowance if our classes were cancelled. I'd say that there was no verbal nor written agreement that if our classes were cancelled due to storms, that the amount of allowance money for that day will be deducted from the total week's allowance. After that, he gave us our allowances complete for the whole week whether or not we go to school.
I still want to go to Law school and be a lawyer. But our resources wouldn't be able to make it. We have to admit it, Law school costs a lot. Even if I get to a cheap school, I would still have to finance my readings, books and daily expenses. My sister is still studying college and there are still lots of bills to pay. So for now, I am trying to save up for me to be able to pay for my own expenses when I get to Law School. Somehow, the completion of that dream is not over yet.
Disenchanted
As for the writing, I have loved reading and writing (I believe these go hand in hand together) ever since my Mom taught me Abakada. I have been writing poems, stories, essays for years. I wanted to be a journalist and express myself to a wide audience.
When I was in highschool, I tried out for the school newspaper. In my first year,I submitted all my poems and other literary works for the newspaper. The first time I tried to be a staff member was when I was in my second year. I was shut down. In my third year, I was rejected again. By fourth year, I was reluctant to join. But my Journalism club adviser encouraged me, after series of tests and interviews, I finally made it.
During that my Seton Notes days, I was simply in heaven. I felt that I was in my element. Even though there were lots of things that went wrong that year, in the end it was my happiest highschool year. Not only did I finally get to write for our school newspaper, I was awarded the Most
By college, I enrolled into a Creative Writing course, after which I continued it to learning more about Journalism. I would be rubbing elbows with famous writers and having them teach me some of their techniques. I was with intelligent and creative peers who completely surprise me with their masterpieces.
But somehow, the energy I had when I was still in high school slowly died out. I was disenchanted with how I saw Journalism and writing. Politics, somehow, ruined my perception on expressing one’s self. I saw, first hand, how journalists manipulate the facts to protect their benefactors; or how big time newspaper publishers give newspaper spaces to people with connections. Not only those, journalists who live true to their name and calling are murdered without any mercy.
But I still want to write. I still dream of publishing a book or having an article in a newspaper. I still have lots of ideas to share and numerous stories to tell.
Hopeful
This is why I created this little paradise for me. I wish to still be able to write and communicate with you. Even if I am now working as an assistant in our company’s Recruitment Department, I would still like to keep my “writer” dream alive.
So bear with me dear readers, I plan to make Coelho’s words come true. That even if I’m in a completely different field, even if I have so many obstacles to conquer, I will not let this dream go. It’s simply because unlike the other dreams, this particular one—me being a writer—is the one that makes me the happiest.
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