New world

I am stuck.

For years I have tried my best to avoid anything Math-related. I didn't take Math in my College days fearing that I would fail even the easiest General Education subject (Math 2: Practical Mathemathics). We used to joke that since both my dad and mom are Engineers, they are brilliant in Math. They fruits of their love (me and my sister) unfortunately was not blessed with this skill because my mom's brilliance and my dad's greatness in Math cancel each other out.

It's ironic that I now hold a job that focuses in Math.

For those of you who I don't meet in my everyday life, I am now employed as a Data Processor in a bank. I deal with numbers and codes and everything that I have been dreading ever since I learned that I have to memorize the multiplication table.

A classic remark was made by my sister last night when she saw the SOP Manuals that I was studying (for an exam the next day). She said, "Ate ito ba yung inaaral mo? E di ba ayaw mo ng Math? Bakit mo kinuha yung trabaho?". I laughed in response to that question.

I only delve into the answer when I saw my exam this morning. I have memorized every banking group and codes and functions and processes; but when I was asked, I completely forgot.

My friend (officemate) told me that maybe I was just nervous or maybe I was just stressing that's why I forgot. If only I could say, "No, I'm not stressing. It's just that I feel like I don't belong in this dimension. Memorizing formulas and functions and payment methods are not my forte--writing is". However, I can't say that. Especially since I am on a contractual basis and needs to be good-on-paper to be regularized (working for a company that takes care of the employees).

I keep telling myself that it's such a good thing that I am on a contractual basis because atleast I could scope the job out first. I may not know it but maybe this is what I should be (I had a dream that I would be working for THIS particular TEAM=sort of a premonition which I will write about in another entry). I still haven't FULLY decided if I want to be a writer or a journalist or a manager or a housewife or anything really.

So now, I'm stuck. I'm stuck with scenario which demands me to cope and adjust. I often throw myself in this situations (I'm not sure if it's because something new and different just turns me on or if it's because I want to learn and grow) ranting about this and that. But come next week, I will be singing to a different tune. Or maybe this situation was simply given to me to prove that I should always listen to my Mother. She always said that I should learn Math because eventually, I'm going to need it.

She's right.