Rollercoaster

I have been moody since early morning today. Before having breakfast with my HK teammates, I was a little sad. Then I was happy when we had breakfast. When we went to work I was okay until the Celtics lost to the Lakers. I forgot the other reason for my rowdy behavior.

I was a little off today. When night came (with a little date with Lawrence), I thought it would change. However, this bitch was ogling at Lawrence the whole time we were having a meal. (Side note: To the bitch, back off--he's mine! and I mean it.) Then I was bored then I was jumpy, sleepy, horny and tired.

The best thing is that for now, I just feel in love. Lawrence has gone home now. He's probably on a bus trying his best not to fall asleep (because he knows that I hate it when he does that). And me, I'm in my bed still feeling his last kiss on my lips.

Is there a term for when you have so much love for the person it scares, excites and confuses you all at the same time?

I'm scared because I've never loved a person like this--not even my family. I'm excited because I know this feeling is just the beginning and it just keeps getting better and better as evident in the last five years of our relationship. It confuses me because I don't really know how to handle this--I might get pushy or clingy or unlovable in the end.

There's no point to this entry at all. I just have to write this because I do not want to lose this memory (this feeling? maybe). Maybe one day I'll read this entry and know the answer to my own question. For now, I'm enjoying the end of this rollercoaster ride.

Happiness is not that bad

Today, I felt blessed.

People always say that happiness is a choice. I have been denying this for the longest time ever since I met depression in Grade six. For the longest time, I always denied that I am blessed. When people see blessings, I see flaws. When people look for happy endings, I crave for miserable ones.

Depression, sadness, morbidity and death has been my comfort zone for a long time. Evident in my writing pieces, I can write gruesome deaths and much-more ghastly heart breaks. My family and friends can attest to the amount of negativity my mouth spews per day--whether it be a form of a complain, a joke or a story.

I have never been good at accepting blessings. I'm too afraid to recognize it because I know one way or another it will escape me. So I stick to my bad endings and my negativity; because I know these are constant and I will never be disappointed.

Today was different. Today, I was out with my family and Lawrence celebrating my dad's birthday and my parents' wedding anniversary. Today, I felt happiness. And even though there are some disappointments (e.i., no family spa treatments, Law went home early, etc.) I still felt happy.

Usually I battle happiness with negative thoughts and sudden bursts of temper--but today, I didn't. I simply enjoyed the moment and felt contented.

Today I write (which I don't usually do much these days) because I want to capture this moment--this feeling. Hopefully when time comes that depression comes knocking in my door again, I would only have to read this and ignite one of the fondest memories I've ever had (in the longest time).

Giving back to yourself

Have you ever been in a spa?

I have been to two spas in all my life. Once with my family, and once with my boyfriend, Lawrence. One night, my family ate in a local steakhouse (with good food and cheap prices). After dinner, my dad checked out a spa right beside of the restaurant. After haggling with the receptionist, he decided he should treat us to a massage.

As for the second spa encounter, Lawrence wanted to have a more "intimate" date. Plus, he really wanted to try a spa ever since I chattered about my spa experience. So, after his second anniversary with his company, he whisk me off to Tagaytay and spent the day in the Nurture Spa.

Let me just get this straight, if I ever land a job where the money is really good. I would spend every weekend at this spa. Yes, Nurture Spa has won my heart.

Lawrence and I availed the Magsing-Irog massage package. We had a small little room while therapists give us a Swedish massage. The room was quaint and had the nature-inspired design. The therapists were more than accommodating when it comes to the reflexology and my constant badgering of questions.

The spa is a little bit pricey compared to spas here in Metro Manila. But if you really want to treat yourself and get away from the buzz of the city, Nurture Spa is for you.

After two months, Lawrence and I made a deal to come back and relax. By that time, I hope I found the job "where the money is really good. :)"